Proximity
by Cats070911
Summary: When Tommy insists on nursing Barbara after her operation neither suspect such close proximity will lead where it does. (I found this half-completed on my PC and decided to finish it.) The last chapter is M rated but is gratuitous and not required reading. Ch 7 will not be to everyone's taste.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: **All the usual disclaimers apply. I found this one sitting half written on my PC from months ago so I decided to finish it.

* * *

><p>"I don't care. I'll pay."<p>

"And your relationship to Ms Havers?"

Tommy did not want to explain the complexities to the officious woman behind the desk. He was her colleague and her friend but he was also the closest thing she had to family. "I'm her partner, Lord Asherton." Tommy handed her his platinum credit card. "Any costs can be billed directly to me and I must insist that you search harder to find a single ward."

The woman's eyes bulged slightly at his title and her fingers flew furiously over the keyboard. "I can arrange for her to return to a single ward after surgery but not before I'm afraid Lord Asherton."

"Very well, thank you for your help."

Tommy Lynley walked back to the emergency room. He did not use his title often but when it was necessary he was happy to use whatever influence he could. He took a deep breath and entered the room. As he walked past the curtained cubicles the antiseptic smell of the ward barely masked the starkness of life and death. A child was vomiting into a metal bowl while his anxious mother stroked his head. Opposite a stab victim was oozing coppery blood while a doctor tried to stich the wound. An elderly man with no shirt had fallen and broken his hip and was writhing in agony on the narrow gurney in the section next to Barbara. Although she faced surgery Tommy was relieved that Barbara's condition was relatively normal.

"I have fixed everything," he told her as he sat on the narrow metal stool beside her bed. "Private ward and a good surgeon. I wasn't going to let the NHS leave everything to chance."

"Thanks Sir." Barbara smiled weakly and Tommy could see that despite the morphine she was still in pain. For her not to protest about using his money on her was a sign that she was heavily affected by the drug.

It had happened quickly. He and his sergeant had been interviewing an elderly woman suspected of murdering her mentally challenged son. Barbara had been very quiet and when he had looked across she had gone pale and had started to sweat profusely. Tommy had ended the interview quickly and ordered the woman to be returned to her cell. "What's wrong Barbara? You look unwell."

"Nothing Sir," she had replied but when she went to stand she had cried out in pain and grabbed her right side before collapsing. Tommy had been able to stop her hitting her head on the table as she fell. He helped her to the ground and called desperately for an ambulance as he cradled her head in his lap and stroked her forehead.

She had been in and out of consciousness in the ambulance. Tommy had insisted on accompanying her and had held her hand while the paramedic made preliminary assessments. On arrival at the A&E she had been whisked away for tests leaving him to pace the waiting room. He had finally remembered to telephone his constable with an update but he had little information. "They are thinking appendix at this stage Winston. I'll know more soon."

An hour later the doctor emerged. "It's an errant gallbladder. Tests have confirmed a stone is trapped in a bile duct. We'll operate on that and remove the gallbladder at the same time. It's a useful but not strictly necessary organ so Miss Havers will be fine in a few weeks. She can go home tomorrow as long as she has a competent adult with her for the first seventy-two hours." He had handed Tommy a leaflet explaining the operation, the risks and potential side effects as well as dietary instructions and guidance on how to look after the patient. Lynley dutifully read it and decided Barbara would need to stay at his flat for a least four days after she was released. He would mention that to her later; no point in arguing now.

She was conscious and anxious. Tommy want to hold her hand again to reassure her but it did not seem appropriate. Instead he talked to her about their case. She nodded and added a few comments but he could tell it was not a conversation she was enjoying. He glanced at the clock. They would come for her soon. He wanted to say that he had realised how important to him she had become but he feared it might sound to final, as if he thought she might die. Instead he was upbeat. "I'll be waiting outside for you Barbara. I'll see you when you come back to the ward." He tried to smile but he knew he was not masking his worry.

Barbara grabbed his wrist with surprising power. "Thanks Sir. For everything. You know, just in case."

Tommy took her hand and held it in both of his. "It should be me that is thanking you Barbara. I value our friendship more than anything. Now stop being sentimental. Everything will be fine and I'll see you soon." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek then left the cubicle. He could not look back.

Barbara was returned to the ward late and Tommy had worn a visible path across the polished linoleum floor. There had been some complications from the scar tissue where she had been shot so the surgeon had needed to open her up instead of operating laparoscopically. The doctor warned Tommy she would need to stay in hospital an extra day and with someone to look after her for at least a week. Lynley phoned Hillier and told him he was taking two weeks leave. He could have asked but he was not in the mood. He had no intention of leaving Barbara with strangers.

She drifted in and out of sleep but at least she had known he was there, waiting, when she returned. The staff ushered him out at midnight with a promise to return at nine o'clock when visiting commenced. At home Tommy could not sleep even though he was confident Barbara would be fine. He was restless because he could not understand why he had been so distressed. Was it because it brought back memories of when she was shot or when Helen had died? Was it loss he feared? If anything happened to Barbara it would destroy him. She was his last toehold on the world.

The next morning she was weak but back to her usual self in spirit. Their argument had been predictable. Barbara thought she could manage at home by herself while Tommy had insisted she stay with him. "Barbara, you can come home with me or I can pay for you to go to a convalescent home. Either way you are not staying by yourself."

"Fine. Where's the home? I am not staying with you and you are not paying." Barbara was embarrassed that he wanted to look after her. It did not seem normal to have your boss nurse you and she did not want to be seen at her worst by him. She remembered his concern last night and the way he had comforted her. He had held her hand in the ambulance. It was a memory she would cherish. As he sat with her after the operation she had allowed herself to pretend, in her anaesthetic fog, that he was her partner in ever sense. It helped then but was painfully embarrassing now. She hoped she had not said anything awkward or that if she had he had blamed the drugs.

"Suit yourself."

Tommy had turned to leave. He was almost out the door when she spoke. "Sir, wait. I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound ungrateful."

He returned and sat on the chair by her bed. The cheap, grey vinyl seat sighed as he sat. He was simply another weight in a long line of family that the chair had supported. "You don't. Your stubbornness shows an independence of thought that is admirable, except when you need to rely on others. It's okay to need people Barbara, especially me."

She smiled at him but looked almost sad as if she wanted to say something more. Tommy wanted to hold her hand again but did not dare. Instead he talked about work and they settled into their familiar routine. He stayed until four when day time visiting finished and was back promptly at seven for the evening visiting. "I didn't expect you back Sir," she said as he walked in. She was secretly delighted to see him. The hospital bored her and she needed the distraction.

"I thought you might like to know I have arranged everything for tomorrow. I can collect you at ten. I have bought plenty of chicken and fish and have a selection of magazines and books for you to read." Tommy wanted Barbara's recovery to be as easy as possible and if she got bored she would be impossible to manage.

"I feel embarrassed that you are going to this effort Sir," she said shyly, "but I appreciate it."

"It's what friends do."

The next morning Barbara was eager to leave with him. She had struggled to sleep with the noise and routine of the hospital. Last night after Tommy had left she had tried to watch TV. Thursday was here favourite viewing night but her channel was barely visible with wavy interference lines and crackly audio coming through the earpiece of the controller that was not long enough to reach her preferred ear.

"Please tell me we can leave," she pleaded as he arrived.

"Yes, I just have to sign for you and we can go."

"Makes me feel like a dog being collected from the vet!"

"I'll give you a bone when we get home." Tommy had meant it as a joke and in the literal sense but as soon as he said it he realised the double meaning. Barbara had blushed and he knew she had not missed the inference. Flustered he tried to explain. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that like that. I was taking the dog analogy and extending it. See if you _were_ my dog I would take you home and tuck on your bed and reward you with a bone."

Barbara started to laugh then cried out in pain. "Don't make me laugh Sir, it hurts!"

Tommy was looking around the room above her head frightened to make eye contact. "Sorry," he said before he also started to laugh. "I'll just shut up now shall I?"

"I think that might be best."

He looked at her now and found himself staring directly into her eyes. They were burning fiercely and the green shimmered as she laughed. Fleetingly he thought he would not mind the other meaning either. Tommy was ashamed of himself. Barbara was his colleague and his friend. She was recovering from surgery. His thoughts were entirely inappropriate. "I'll be back."

He left the room and pressed his back against the wall and closed his eyes. Perhaps he was just over-tired and a bit emotional from the shock of yesterday. He had no idea where those thoughts had come from and he tried, somewhat unconvincingly, to tell himself he did not harbour those desires for Barbara. He had never thought about her physically before now and he should never think it again. She was his best friend; nothing more and certainly not that. Their relationship was more spiritual. He composed himself and went to the nurse's station to complete the discharge procedure.


	2. Chapter 2

Barbara had not been inside his new flat. He had moved after Helen had died and then twice again after Julia Oborne had been murdered. Barbara had thought he was searching for peace or trying to escape his torment. He seemed much more settled here but it had only been here three months. The flat, or more correctly penthouse apartment, was at Lambeth. The curved windows framed the Palace of Westminster perfectly. He had the iconic London view. "Oh wow! This is fantastic Sir."

"Cost me a small fortune but I feel comfortable here."

"You own it?"

"Yes, I thought if I bought it I might be compelled to be less restless. I'll show you around."

The gourmet kitchen was nestled into a quiet corner of a large open area that housed a dining table that seemed larger than her lounge room and an impossibly large black leather sofa with double chaise lounges that looked inviting. Barbara winced at the thought of Lynley snuggled up on it with a leggy blonde as they sipped wine and looked at the view. She tried to blot the image from her mind and turned to explore the kitchen. The stark black granite surfaces, brilliantly white cupboards and gleaming stainless steel appliances contrasted with a bright red coffee machine. The red seemed so un-Lynley and she looked at him.

"What?"

"Your coffee machine is pillar box red."

"Yes."

"That doesn't seem like something you would buy."

Tommy put his arm around her shoulder and hugged her to him. "You can take the woman out of the police station but you can't take the policewoman out of the woman." It sounded much more awkward than he had thought before he spoke. "Very perceptive, it came with the flat Detective." Tommy laughed softly to hide his embarrassment and moved away feeling her quizzical eyes on his back.

He showed her the other rooms. There was a large master bedroom with the same view as the lounge. The windows ran parallel to the huge bed and curved around to form half of the wall at the end. It was as if the bed extended to be part of the view; interacting instead of just observing. Barbara wondered what it must be like to wake up and watch the river and the ants of London scurrying about their work. An oversized flat screen TV dominated the rest of the wall as if the room gave occupants a choice of escape; reality or fantasy.

"You'll be comfortable in here I think. I have Sky and I wrote the code to download movies on the notepad near the remote."

"In your room?" Barbara was both thrilled and uncomfortable at the thought. "I assumed I'd be in your spare room."

Tommy would not have been surprised if she had assumed she belonged in his cupboard. "Barbara, you're my guest and you are not well. Your comfort is part of the reason you're here."

"Thank you." She was glad Tommy insisted. She was tired now and the doctor told her that would only get worse over the next few days. It was hard to lie comfortably with her wound and she expected to slept fitfully. The stitches seemed to pull if she lay on her back and it was painful to lie on her right side. His bed looked soft and luxurious. Having this view would be a wonderful antidote to a restless night. "Thanks but I am sorry I have put you out."

She was tempted to say that his bed was so large they could share it. It was not as if anything was going to happen. They were just friends and she was hardly in a condition for any type of romp but after his reaction about the dog bone she was not game to even joke about it. Her DI was far too conservative and would be mortified at the suggestion and truth be told, she was too. That would be too close, too tempting. She could not trust herself to not try to touch him and in doing so ruin everything. _It must be the drugs, they've played with my head. Keep repeating Barb, you are NOT in love with your boss, you are NOT in love with.._. No mantra would change the truth.

"There's new sleepwear in the wardrobe and the bathroom is through here," he said oblivious to her dark thoughts. "I have arranged fresh toiletries for you but if I've forgotten anything just tell me and I'll get it."

Barbara looked at the range of options on the bench. It was far more comprehensive than she would ever need. She was touched by how helpful he was trying to be and amazed that he had thought about sleepwear. _That could have been awkward._ "No, thanks, you have thought of everything."

The other room was smaller but still had its own ensuite. The view directly across the river to the white stone buildings of Millbank was less impressive but still intriguing. the room was furnished as his study and had a large, brown leather Chesterfield under the window. Tommy noticed her frown as she saw the pillow and blankets. "These are for me."

She began to protest about inconveniencing him and how she thought he would have a bed and not have to sleep on a sofa. "I've spent a lot of nights on that in the last year," he said with a degree of regret, "sometimes my bed is just too lonely."

"You should have come round to my place."

Tommy stared at her. Barbara realised what he thought and blushed. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her and rushed to correct him. "No, I mean like that night, when you came over. To talk. You don't have to feel alone Sir. You have a friend, if you need me."

Tommy smiled softly at her. He wanted to hug her but was afraid he might hurt her. She was a kind and loving friend and he was ashamed of his earlier thoughts. He promised himself to behave and honour their friendship. "Thank you Barbara. It means a lot to me."

Barbara yawned and Tommy seized on a change of conversation. "You're tired. Sorry, you shouldn't be standing around. Go and get changed and hop into bed. Would you like some lunch?"

"What've you got?"

"Chicken broth with some small pieces of chicken followed by some jelly. I have a choice of lemon or strawberry."

Barbara screwed up her nose. "What about some chips?"

"No chips; too much oil. You have to have plain food for a week at least and only soups and jelly for the next few days." Tommy saw the petulant look on her face. "See, that's why I have to look after you. If you have too much too soon your system won't cope and you will spend all your time in my bathroom."

"Oh great."

"Now run along and get into bed while I get it ready."

"Yes Dad! Actually I think I'd like a shower."

"Right. Well be careful. Leave the door open and call me if you feel faint. The dressing over your wound is waterproof and we don't have to change that until tomorrow."

"We? I'm not having you change my dressing!"

"We can have that argument tomorrow Barbara," he said sympathetically as he put his hands on her shoulders and guided her towards his room, "I'm serious. Leave the door open or I will come in."

"You wouldn't dare!"

Tommy looked at her with his most reproachful glare. "Really? Do you want to test me?"

Barbara muttered something under her breath and toddled off to the bathroom. The door stayed open and Tommy smiled. _Maybe if I have them take out other organs she will be less argumentative at work! _He chuckled to himself as he returned to the kitchen.

He heard the water running but it was a short shower. "Are you alright?" he called to her.

"Yeah. Just a bit tired. I'm going to lie down."

Tommy stood near the door listening for any sign that she might need him. He could hear rustling cloth as she dressed and then a sigh as she got into his bed. He entered the room to check on her. "Comfy?"

Barbara was amazed at how comfortable she actually felt. Any awkwardness about whose bed it was was replaced by bodily relief as the bed softly cradled her. "Too comfy. I might never leave." Barbara swore to herself. _Why the hell did you say that?_

"Right, well you can stay as long as you want to but I will have to change the sheets every few days." Tommy was trying to make it sound like a normal joke. He knew she had meant it that way but the way she blushed told him she had also realised the ambiguity of her statement. He had wanted to tell her he would prefer if she stayed forever but he had promised himself to forget those thoughts. He did not even understand those thoughts. "I'll bring you you lunch."

Barbara was not overly hungry but was surprised that he could make chicken broth something she liked to eat. "It's good," she reassured him, "but why are you eating it too?"

Tommy was sitting next to her on the bed, carefully ensuring he did not get too close. He had brought in two identical trays. "It would hardly be fair if I sat up eating something else while you ate this type of food. So whatever you eat I'll eat."

"Noble and very sweet of you but also stupid. I can cope with you eating something else." She was mildly annoyed that he assumed she would be tempted but it was more to hide the way she reacted to his thoughtfulness. Everything he did made her want to be closer to him. They were friends but she wanted something else but she did not know what. She could not even think about intimacy with him. That would be inappropriate but she did want to just feel him hold her and protect her. _It must be an aftermath of the anaesthetic!_

"Hello?"

"Sorry, what?"

"I asked if you wanted anything more?"

"How did you know?" Barbara was alarmed that he had read her mind.

"I didn't. I just thought you might be hungry. Soup or jelly?" Tommy wondered why she was embarrassed.

"Oh no, neither thanks I'm full."

Tommy frowned at her. "You do realise you're not making much sense."

"Maybe if I rest for a while Sir. Thank you for lunch. I really enjoyed it."

Tommy stood and gathered the trays. "Call me if you need anything."

Barbara was asleep by the time Tommy had loaded the dishwasher and returned to check on her. She was lying on her side facing the window. He wondered if he should draw the blinds but worried the noise might wake her. He stood watching her for several minutes. He had no coherent thoughts just a jumble of emotions. He was relieved she was safe and happy that she was here where he could protect her and care for her. He knew others thought it was odd that they bickered constantly and yet were inseparable in so many ways. Barbara was like family to him and yet in the last few days he had recognised that his feelings were very different to thinking of her as a sister or even cousin. They always had been in some vague way. He closed his eyes and tried to blot out the confusion. _I am just tired._ "Sleep well," he whispered then went to his study to read.


	3. Chapter 3

Tommy checked on his patient every half hour but she had barely moved. At seven o'clock he was debating whether to wake her for dinner but she looked so peaceful and angelic that he had a strange urge just to lie down next her and hold her close. It was not for her benefit but for his and again he was ashamed. Here she was just out of hospital and in need of care and he selfishly wanted her to comfort him. Tommy was disgusted by his thoughts and went to have a shower and a long think. He had just got dressed and was staring out the window when she came wandering into his room. "Hiya."

"Hi. How are you feeling?"

"Yeah, not bad but I think the painkillers have worn off. My stomach is really sore."

"You should have taken them at six. I knew I should have woken you. Seems I make a lousy nurse."

Barbara watched as he ran his hand through his damp hair then smiled. He was totally unaware of the affect he had on her. Just being here with him was the best medicine she could ever want. "Quite the contrary. Nobody would look after me better than you."

They looked at each other as if they were going to say something more but then Tommy looked away. "Come on then I'll get your pills and then some dinner."

He moved towards the kitchen and she watched him move with cat-like certainty and grace. She remembered the other times they had been in such close proximity. The memories of caravans and showers made her smile. It had been worth the pain just to have these few days here with him. He was spoiling her and making her feel loved. It was not the same as being loved but it would do. They felt close and it made her quite light-hearted.

"I like your shorts," she said sarcastically. Tommy was wearing a plain grey tee and a pair of soft cotton sleep shorts that almost reached his knees.

Tommy looked down at his blue, grey and red tartan shorts. "What's wrong with them?"

"They match your coffee machine," she said grinning at him.

"They were a gift from Mother," Tommy said trying to sound offended. He neither liked them or disliked them but they were very comfortable.

"So she doesn't want you to find the next Lady Asherton in a hurry?"

Lynley was genuinely shocked. It was the first time they had talked about him being in future relationships let alone married. It was probably a good sign that Barbara thought he was ready to move on. He searched for a witty retort but winced at what he actually said, "if I'm married I won't want to wear shorts to bed."

Now Barbara was embarrassed. She had instantly regretted the joke about his Mother or any mention of his shorts. "Too much information," she protested as she headed for his kitchen. "Where are the tablets?"

She insisted they sit at the table to eat. Tommy gave her more soup and jelly and she ate voraciously. "Slow down Barbara, it's not a race."

"You missed your calling," she replied grouchily, "you would have made a great...schoolteacher." Barbara bit her tongue. She had been about to say parent. Poor Tommy; he would have been a wonderful father.

"Some people need a little discipline now and again," he said adopting a stereotypical schoolmasterly tone.

"Do you do bondage too? she asked cheekily._ Oh Barbara, no! Don't say that._

"Not usually but for you I could make an exception." _Oh yes, I could definitely handcuff you to my bed!_

She nearly choked on her soup and Tommy grinned at her. "See what happens when you eat too fast!" He was trying desperately to clear the image of handcuffs from his mind. _What is wrong with me?_

Their banter had taken a strange turn and Tommy saw the confusion and distress on Barbara's face. He resorted to a tried and true technique and started talking about work before he sent her to get ready for bed while he cleared the dishes. When he went in to say goodnight she was sitting up in bed trying to find programmes on the TV.

"I recorded the drama channel last night in case you missed any of your shows."

Barbara's eyes lit up and he showed her how to access them. She was touched by his thoughtfulness. "Thank you."

"Well goodnight Barbara. I'll leave my door open but if you need me just press the yellow button on the phone. It's an intercom."

She was disappointed. "Do you have to go? I thought we could watch it together."

"I thought you'd have had enough of me by now. I can stay, if you want me to."

"Please. I'd like that but if I fall asleep don't take it personally."

Tommy turned off the light then self-consciously stretched out on the bed. Barbara was under the duvet but he stayed on top and kept his distance. He did not want to bump her or hurt her. Outside the window London was changing as the day faded and the lights brought out the softer texture of the city. He wished every night could feel so secure.

"Would you mind getting under the cover Sir? With you on top it pulls on my stomach."

"Sorry." He dutifully obeyed and they settled in, propped up on pillows next to each other watching television like an old married couple. The first programme amused him. "They're not very realistic are they?" he said as soon as the detective slept with the murder victim's mother.

"Nah, not always but they're entertaining."

"I don't know why most TV detectives all have to be brilliant but flawed characters in search of redemption with long-suffering sidekicks who they treat badly or constantly snipe at."

Barbara smiled at the irony. Anyone observing Lynley might think the same thing of him. "Is that how you think of me? As your long-suffering sidekick?"

Tommy looked at Barbara to see if she was concerned that he might actually be that shallow. Her eyes were shining and he knew she was teasing him. "No, you're my super clever and doggedly determined partner without whom no crime would ever be solved. I would never trade you for any of these."

"Not even Hatherway? He's quite brilliant."

"Only because he's got the dullest boss in history!"

"Barnaby's more boring."

"But he has a very dry British wit. I like him. Well both of them. And I like Sykes!"

Barbara mouth gaped before she started laughing. "Since when did you become so knowledgeable about crime dramas?"

"Late nights." Tommy realised he had started watching them because he knew every Thursday night when they were not working Barbara would be sitting five miles away watching the same thing. It had made him feel closer to her. It made sense at the time but now he wondered why he had needed that. "Anyway back to this one. He's been totally unprofessional."

Barbara had seen Tommy frown at her last question. Something was bothering him but she sensed now was not the time to probe. She decided to lighten the developing mood. "Yeah but he is cute."

"What him? He needs a good shave and shower. Surely you don't find him attractive!"

"Not as such but he oozes a kind of sensuality and vulnerability that is very sexy and that deep voice, hmm."

"So you like shortish, vulnerable baritones who don't shave?"

"No, if I had a choice I'd go for a tall, dark and handsome baritone; like most women. And what about you? Is your type leggy blondes with hourglass figures and sparkling personalities?"

"Oh definitely. Every man's dream," he said mocking her, "I don't have a type as such. I look a lot deeper than someone's appearance."

"Right. There've been an awful lot of women in your life then with great personalities who also happen to have impossibly long legs and great faces."

Barbara sounded vaguely bitter but Tommy put it down to the angst he had caused her over the years with his tortured love life. "I've grown up a lot since those days Barbara. It's about how a woman makes me feel emotionally, not physically. Sex is about love not the other way round. I want someone who loves me for who I am, flaws and all, and not my title or money. I want someone to complete me and make me feel like I am the most important person in their life."

Tommy felt her gaze and became uncomfortable. The only woman who had ever made him truly feel that way was lying beside him, completely unobtainable. _Yes you, only how can I ever tell you? You would never entertain the idea_. He exhaled slowly then pointed at the screen. "See where it got him. Now the woman has been murdered too."

Barbara wondered if the scene would remind him of Helen's murder but he seemed to be focused on something else. She was not sure how to react to his statement. Tonight their conversations had been strange and disturbing. "I'm glad."

"What, that she was murdered?"

"No, that you are looking for love."

Tommy looked at her and frowned. He was unsure where this conversation was headed but it was not going where he wanted it to go. "I'm not looking as such but we all deserve to find someone who really loves us."

"Life doesn't always balance out like that Sir. Some of us are here for other reasons."

The loneliness in her voice was palpable. He wanted to kiss her and tell her that he loved her and that she had someone who would ensure she never felt lonely again but it was inappropriate. She was sick and had no where to go. He had to look after her not frighten her.

"Have you ever been in love Barbara?" It had been a rhetorical question that he had not meant to ask aloud.

The question caught her off guard. She was going to say no but Barbara knew he would know she was lying. "Sort of. Not in a real relationship so I don't really know," she said sadly.

"Unrequited?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

Tommy heard the quiver in her voice. "What was he like?" he asked softly. He wondered what sort of man appealed to Barbara.

Barbara turned to face Tommy._ How can I describe you?_ "Complex. Moody, arrogant and sometimes totally unreasonable but also incredibly kind and generous with the most amazing eyes that make you want to sink into them and lose yourself."

Tommy was jealous. "Sounds like you still love him."

Barbara looked directly at Tommy. It was the only opportunity she would ever get to actually tell him. "I always will."

The way she spoke send a shiver up his spine. Tommy swallowed hard. Her eyes had been so intense and it had seemed raw and personal for her. He had longed to hear Helen speak that way about him, with genuine passion and total commitment. He wanted Barbara to be saying that about him but he was also angry that someone was too stupid to realise what a wonderful woman Barbara was underneath her argumentative and prickly exterior. That shield had softened so much over the years and Tommy smiled at the irony. _If this man knew you now he might love you as much as I do._ "He was a fool not to notice."

They exchanged a long, intense look But neither knew what to say. They watched the end of the show in silence. Tommy turned it off. "Do you want to watch another one?"

There was no answer. Barbara had fallen asleep. He turned off the television and gently removed one pillow so that her neck would be at a more normal angle. She stirred and rolled towards him, wrapped her arm over him and sighed peacefully. He was worried he would wake her if he moved so he put his arm around her shoulders and let her nestle into his armpit. He always seemed to fall for women who could not love him in the way he needed but lying here like this he could pretend.


	4. Chapter 4

It had just gone two o'clock when Tommy woke. Barbara had rolled over and was snoring softly. He climbed carefully out of the bed and padded silently across the floor into his lounge room. He had not drawn the curtains so the soft light of the city streamed through the floor to ceiling windows and fell in yellowish lines across his floor and couch. Tommy absently watched the circling orange flash of a garbage truck on Millbank as it moved up the street collecting the detritus of another day of urban drudgery. A homeless man was sleeping warily on a bench underneath a tree that protected him from the glare of passers-by. From his vantage point Tommy looked down on the bench with a mixture of sadness and relief. That any man had to live like that depressed him but after his decline when Helen died Tommy could understand how life could slip so far from control that everything was lost. He was glad that he had found reason to go on.

A large proportion of that motivation was snoring in the next room. They would always be friends but Tommy wanted more. Having her here with him away from work had only made that worse. Tonight as she slept in his arms he had understood that Barbara was his rock. He had always thought he was was hers but he now knew she harboured feelings for another man. Tommy would never be her heart and soul. If he pushed his suit she might eventually come to love him but it would never be with that strength of feeling that she had for her mysterious man. A man who was complex and moody and unavailable; an enigma he could never compete with and win. _Why would Barbara desire an arrogant and unreasonable man? His softer side must have been far greater or maybe she was just lost in his eyes._

Tommy wondered momentarily if perhaps she had meant him. He wanted it to be him. He could imagine that look in her eyes as he made love to her and he ached to be loved that much. He had some of those flaws, but not all, and Barbara would never have admitted that she loved him that way. She would have simply said she did not know what love meant. _No, it must be someone else. But who?_ Not knowing who was worse than discovering her heart belonged to another. He had no right to be jealous. He could have acted earlier if he had wanted to act. He had simply, arrogantly, assumed that she would always be there when he was ready. _So did I always know I loved her?_ He ran exasperated fingers slowly through his hair. He sat on his lounge to think about it; the implications of that were frightening. If it was true his marriage was always doomed and yet Barbara loved someone else. He was doomed. He had to know who had captured her so completely. _Not Lafferty surely, or Winston._ Lynley started mentally reviewing faces searching for those eyes. Slowly as the faces flashed by time and time again he drifted off to sleep.

"Bloody hell!"

"Are you okay?" Tommy woke startled and confused.

"Arrrrggghhh!" she screamed. "You scared the devil out of me."

Tommy stood and moved swiftly to the kitchen. "What are you doing swearing and rustling in the kitchen with the light off?"

"Looking for my painkillers then I stubbed my toe in the dark. What are you doing sleeping on your lounge?"

"I fell asleep. Are you in pain?"

"No, I just thought I'd take them for the fun of it. Yes, I'm in pain," she snapped.

Tommy turned the light on. Barbara looked small and tired and she cringed under the glare of the light. The strains of the operation were showing. "The wound or internal?" he asked caringly as he walked over to her.

"More my right shoulder."

"That's normal. It's the gas they used when they tried to take out your gallbladder laparoscopically. It travels and builds up in the shoulder. It must have done that before they opened you up."

"Great. How long does it last doctor?" she asked as she swallowed the tablets.

"Come her and sit down." Surprisingly she obeyed without protest and Tommy stood behind her and began to gently massage her shoulder. "The doctor had said moving the muscles and shoulder would help disperse the carbon dioxide."

At first she tensed but then she relaxed. Not only did it help with the pain but feeling him touch her was pleasurable in other ways. She anticipated that the shoulder might stay sore for a few days just so she could continue treatment. The thought made her smile. "Ohhh, thank you. That does feel good."

He had to agree. Through her pyjamas he could feel her soft and smooth skin. He had been looking out across the river but now he closed his eyes to focus on the sensation. He started to massage her other shoulder as well until his thoughts started to wander well away from therapeutic care. Tommy bent down and kissed her neck just where the skin disappeared under cloth. He felt her shiver. He wanted to trace kisses up to her ear but he resisted. He moved away and went to the window never taking his eyes of her reflection.

Barbara had not expected him to kiss her neck. She had almost groaned as the wave of pleasure rippled through her. Perhaps he had understood her message after all. "Do you always finish your massages like that?"

Her question was too ambiguous to know how to respond. Tommy chose the most conservative line. "Didn't your mother ever kiss your pain better?"

"No, not really," Barbara said flatly, "she was not good with things like that."

Tommy regretted speaking. He understood how fraught her relationship with her mother had been. He watched her reflection and saw the sadness on her face. She came to the window and stood next to him. He put his arm around her shoulder and lost in their own thoughts they looked out at the water. The first fingers of daylight were creeping up the river. Ducks moved away from the banks and started dabbling on the surface that was not yet churned from boats and wind. "It's beautiful here," she said.

"Yes. Peaceful at times like this and yet frenetic at others. I get to observe all the nuances of life. Come on you're tired. Back to bed."

Tommy kept his arm around her as he guided her back to his room. "Off you go, you need the rest," he said as they reached the door.

They were standing close together in the doorway. Barbara turned and looked up at him. Time seemed to freeze as they looked at each other. Tommy tried to fathom what her eyes were telling him. They had a look he had seen often before; an ethereal melancholy that seemed to implore him to help. He would, if only he knew how.

The way he had kissed her neck had not been the way a mother kissed an injury better and the way he was looking at her now was not a caring boss looking after his subordinate. Unfortunately it was not a romantic look either. _Forever doomed to be his pseudo-sister!_ Barbara smiled grimly. She could accept that but she could not let go; not completely, not yet. "Sit with me and talk to me for a while."

Tommy sat beside her on the bed and they chatted idly about television and work and anything other than how they felt. Eventually he lay down and they both stared up at the ceiling as they laughed and joked. Barbara slowly relaxed and forgot her desires. Having Tommy as a friend was good. It was enough. "You know Hillier reminds me of..."

She looked across to see him asleep. The normal concerned crease in his forehead had gone and he looked serene. She wished he could be like that more often. Love seemed to be such a mild and ordinary word to describe how much she cared for this wonderfully complicated and flawed man. She continued to watch him, imagining what it would be like to trace her fingers over his face and body. _Oh Tommy!_

When Barbara woke Lynley was gone and the midday sun was reflecting off the Millbank windows. "Ahh, afternoon shift has woken up."

Barbara looked around. Tommy was standing cross-legged leaning against the bathroom door. He had been replacing the towels. "Sorry Sir."

"Don't be, you need rest. How do you feel?"

"Sorer than yesterday. I feel congested and bloated."

"That's understandable. Do you want a shower and dressing change first or something to eat?"

"A shower. I can do my own dressing thanks," she replied petulantly.

"You can't actually. I will need to help you and I WILL help you so just get used to the idea." Barbara mumbled something Tommy thought sounded obscene. "None of that please. We are well past that in our relationship."

Barbara stomped into the bathroom and shut the door while Tommy grinned. After she had finished and opened the door he was standing waiting with rubber gloves on and scissors and dressings in his hand. "Ready?"

Barbara sighed with resignation. "Where do you want me?"

_Oh don't ask me that, please!_ "On the bed I think." They both blushed aware of the innuendo but unaware that both would happily have delayed the dressing change for the other option.

_Oh, yes that lovely large bed with the black leather headrest would be perfect._ Barbara groaned as the electric thrill pulled on her wound.

She sat down and careful pulled up her jersey pyjama top to reveal the dressing but still protect her modesty. The dressing covered most of her upper abdomen and was streaked with a line of dried blood. She could tell he was equally uncomfortable about the task. "This might hurt a bit," he said as he gently pulled the plaster away from one corner.

Barbara watched him. He was so gentle and caring that she wanted to hug him. She speculated about whether he would be the same as a lover. He removed the dressing slowly and she imagined him undressing her with the same cautious anticipation. She groaned involuntarily. "Sorry, did I hurt you?" he asked with alarm.

"No, I'm fine."

The new wound was an angry red slash running from just under her sternum diagonally down to her right hip. It hurt more now it had been disturbed. The bleeding was heaviest at the point it intersected with her old scar and congealed blood was caked along the ridges and valleys. Tommy had never seen that scar and was shocked more by it than the line of black stitches from her operation. He carefully swabbed the area with the antiseptic solution thinking about that day and how he had been more concerned about her than Helen walking out. He carefully peeled back the edge of the new bandage. With delicate touch he smoothed it out over the wound and ensured the edges were sealed and waterproof. He looked up at her. "See, all that fuss for nothing."

Barbara did not immediately lower her shirt. Those eyes were mesmerising and he was grinning at her in that way he had that made her melt into a puddle of adolescent lust. "Aren't you going to kiss it better too?"


	5. Chapter 5

If he did not know her better he might think she was trying to seduce him. Tommy was still kneeling in front of her as she sat on the edge of the bed with her pyjama shirt tucked demurely above her midriff and the waterproof surface of her dressing glinting in the light. It would have been so easy to accede to her request. He watched Barbara, looking hopefully for a sign but saw from her grin that she was just being her usual cheeky self. _Two can play that game_. "This will have to do." He kissed her quickly on the lips then gathered up the old bandage and left the room.

Barbara had been joking but she could not help smiling. It had been quick and not romantic but he had still kissed her. She could still feel the soft press of his warm lips against hers. Everything was almost perfect in her little fantasy world as she imagined that was an everyday event. His big brown eyes had looked at her so lovingly at her that she almost believed his feelings were changing.

Tommy's voice calling from the kitchen broke the spell. "Your meal is ready."

It was almost two o'clock but Barbara had not had breakfast and she needed a proper meal to keep her system running. Tommy had prepared steamed fish with potato that had been mashed with skim milk and no butter. It was not what Barbara would have chosen but she knew he was making every effort so she could recover quickly. She would not mind if it took longer. Tommy had taken two weeks off but the way she felt she would be fine to go home in a couple of days. She would have no excuse to stay but secretly she hoped he would want to keep an eye on her. _Or a hand, or his lips..._ She sighed.

"I know it's not that appetizing but you have limited options this week," he said mistaking her sigh as a critique of his food.

"Sorry, it's good and I appreciate your efforts Sir, I really do. I just...I don't know."

Tommy smiled reassuringly. "You don't have to know. Just get better. I can't bear the thought of going back to work without you so you have two weeks."

"Yes, Sir."_ Really? You can't bear the thought?_

They began to eat but the silence was uncomfortable as if something important was being left unsaid. Barbara ate quickly enjoying the plain food much more than Tommy who was eating steadily. She decided to change the subject. "So if the meal between breakfast and lunch is brunch is the meal between lunch and dinner called lunner or dinch?" she asked.

Tommy looked at Barbara and frowned. "Lunner."

"Why?"

"Because breakfast donates the first part of its name and lunch the second to form brunch and the same rule applies to lunner."

"Why is it a rule?"

"Well, it's not like Boyle's Law or anything but it just makes sense. Why does it matter?"

"I prefer dinch. Oh sorry. Excuse me." Barbara rushed to the bathroom.

When she returned five minutes later she was visibly paler. "Is everything alright?"

"Mmmm."

"There's no need to be embarrassed," Tommy said gently, "your system has to get used to having bile secreted all the time and not stored. It will take time to adjust to processing food."

Barbara raised her hand. "Sir, stop! I know you are trying to be sympathetic but I don't think we need to discuss the details."

"I do. If I'm looking after you, you need to be able to tell me anything."

Barbara was mortified. "Why? You're my boss remember. That job description does not include needing to know the details of my innards."

Tommy was not hurt by her defensiveness. In fact it was a good opportunity to let her know he loved her. "I'm more than your boss Barbara, a lot more. We haven't been just DI and Sergeant for years, have we?"

"No," she admitted begrudgingly fearing where this conversation was headed.

"I might not be your knight in shining armour with the come-to-bed eyes but I am your friend and I care about you...very much." Tommy took her hand and rubbed the back of her fingers with his thumb. "I want you to have someone you can talk to about anything and I can be that person."

Barbara could not help but stare at him. He was oblivious to the affect he had on her; totally unaware why she could not tell him everything. "You have wonderful eyes."

"Thanks but you are missing my point." Tommy was trying to be serious and she was deflecting it with humour.

Barbara looked at him and smiled. Her heart skipped a few beats when she looked into those puzzled brown pools of affection._ No YOU are missing the point! Do I have to murder someone here for you to notice a pattern_? All this innuendo and ambiguous conversation was starting to annoy her. She was about to confess to him he was her mysterious man when her guts began to rumble with colicky pain. She pulled away. "Sorry, I'll be back."

Tommy continued to pick disinterestedly at his steamed fish while he waited. He was not sure what he had expected but her comment about his eyes was perplexing. He left the table and went to his own bathroom and stared in the mirror. The same eyes that always greeted him looked back until he thought of Barbara and he saw them widen and soften. _Are they eyes you want to lose yourself in?_

Tommy wandered back to the table considering that maybe he had been wrong. Maybe Barbara was trying to tell him that she had spent years silently loving him. The possibility made his heart leap. He wanted it it to be true. But wanting does not mean it would happen. Tommy knew he tended to blunder in when it came to love and try to force his world view into others. This time he decided to apply his detective skills and slowly see if his feelings were reciprocated.

Barbara returned looking paler than before. Tommy was concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so but I don't think I can eat any more lunner." She smiled weakly.

"Do you want to go back to bed?"

"No."

"What about we watch some comedy on TV?" Tommy pointed to the lounge while he found the remote. Barbara did not know there was a TV there until Tommy pushed a button and a painting on his wall swung down to reveal a large ultra modern curved screen.

"Wow!"

"Make yourself comfortable and find something to watch while I clear the table."

Barbara sat on the chaise closest to the screen. She flicked through the channels and settled on a travel programme. "The scenery is so clear with this TV."

"Yes, clearest on the market. You would swear you were there. It looks exactly like that."

"You've been?" Barbara was enthralled by the coloured houses and cobbled streets of the Baltic city. Many older women walked around in traditional dress while the young ones were dressed in the ubiquitous jeans and shirts of Western youth.

On the large lounge there were many seating options but Tommy squeezed onto the chaise beside her making her shuffle over a little. "Yes once. I should take you one day."

"Yeah, right. You are really going to want me tagging along on your holidays."

Tommy was tempted to forget his softly-softly approach and just tell her how he felt but he knew if she baulked at the thought of holidaying with him then the suggestion of anything else might be catastrophic._ She's sick and vulnerable. She needs a friend. Behave!_

The programme ended and Barbara found a channel showing old British comedies. They sat shoulder to shoulder watching and laughing at the politically incorrect humour. Barbara had to excuse herself during one skit and when she returned she sat a little closer to Tommy. He smiled at her then stretched his arm along the back of the couch. Barbara chuckled inwardly. _Is he really behaving like a schoolboy or is he just stretching his arm?_ The answer came when he draped his hand casually over her shoulder. She waited to see if he might do more but he just continued to watch and laugh at the show. It was not much different to the many times he had hugged her shoulders over the years except that they were both more relaxed and off guard. It was maddening not to know what he was thinking. His declaration of friendship had been sweet but his kindness and affection was very slowly breaking down her restraint. She thought about how she could be subtle in letting him that she would welcome testing the bounds of their friendship a little more but everything seemed too brazen.

Tommy made dinner but all Barbara wanted was toast and jelly. He left her happily slurping the jelly through her teeth and went for a shower. He made a mental note to never serve jelly when they were entertaining at Howenstowe. Tommy stopped soaping himself and hit the wall with his fist. He was doing it again. Deciding someone should love him in a particular way and then willing it to happen. He had forced Helen and now he was likely to do the same to Barbara but he knew deep down he was powerless to stop. The image of her as his wife was too tempting to resist.

The more Tommy thought about it the more he believed that her comments had been directed at him. He recognised it was an arrogant belief but who else could it be? If it had been someone else she loved it would have come out somewhere, somehow, years ago. The only reason she would not tell him was if it _was _him. He had demonstrated that he loved her but maybe now she was tired of waiting for him to act on his feelings. Did she know he loved her? _She probably noticed before I did_! But he did not have to act in a way that would destroy their friendship if he was wrong, he could simply find out the truth. Tommy smiled to himself.

Barbara was hoping to see the tartan shorts emerge from his room but instead Tommy returned in a very conservative set of long-sleeved navy cotton pyjamas with white piping and a white crest embroidered on the pocket. "You look very formal Sir, sleeping anywhere special tonight?" _No don't ask that!_

"You mocked my others so I thought I would wear my Sunday best to impress you. I think these set off my eyes rather nicely." Tommy smiled at her in the way he knew always made her blush. He could see from the way she nervously bit her lip that she understood he had worked out the identity of her mystery man.

He extended his arm as if inviting her to dance. He had a very simple plan to find out how she really felt. "Shall we adjourn to the bedroom or would you prefer to play mind games?"

Something about Tommy's demeanour told her that he had finally worked out that she had been talking about him but Barbara stared at him open-mouthed wondering exactly what he was asking. "Mind games?"

Tommy knew he had sent his message but he was determined he was not going to say anything directly until he received a sign. "Yes, like Monopoly or Scrabble."

"They're board games," she said nervously as she took his arm and allowed him to lead her to the bedroom.

"I'd never be bored playing games with you Barbara," Tommy whispered huskily as he turned to face her.

Barbara smiled at him. "You wouldn't take advantage of me while I'm sick would you Tommy?"


	6. Chapter 6

The sound of his name on her lips was exhilarating and Tommy fought the urge to sweep her into his arms. It would be too easy to just kiss her and let everything unfold but Tommy knew they needed to talk. They were friends and if this did not work they could never go back to where they were right now. He knew he wanted more and he thought she did do but he had to be sure.

They were standing toe to toe in the entrance to his bedroom yet it felt as if they were circling each other like hungry lions. They had been doing this on and off for years and it was time to stop, one way or the other. The tension between them was electric but neither was making a move as they studied each other's eyes.

"No games, no innuendo, just the truth," he finally said.

"Yes, the truth," Barbara agreed.

"Am I right?"

Unintentionally Barbara seductively lowered her eyes under his stare. "Yes."

There was no point in hiding it any longer. despite her best efforts to deny it she had loved him since their first case together. Day by day that had grown until now, under his roof, sharing his life, having him care for her when she was sick, she was totally and utterly in love with him and able to tell him. All his idiosyncratic, aristocratic mannerisms that annoyed her were now endearing, even his poncy formal pyjamas, and she could learn to adapt to his lifestyle if she must. Her righteous indignation about the ruling class had not dissolved completely but Tommy was an honourable man; a man she understood. Right now all she wanted was to feel his arms around her and hear him tell her he loved her.

Tommy paused. He had been about to lecture her in his usual superior and pompous way about playing games with his emotions, but seeing the irony he laughed and the tension was broken. "You know I just spent a day being jealous of myself."

"You were jealous?" Barbara was surprised but secretly delighted.

"Yes because the way you looked when you spoke about being in love was the look I've always dreamed that one day someone would have for me. To think you had those feelings for someone else drove me mad. I wracked my brain trying to identify him."

"I didn't think it would take you that long to figure it out Inspector. I don't know where I found the courage to even say it."

"The anaesthetic. It can have that affect. It lowers inhibitions."

"Right, thanks Mr Romantic."

She smiled at him with that same look he had seen when she had spoken of love and Tommy could no longer bear the physical separation. He hugged her and held her tightly and sighed with contentment when she wrapped her arms around him and and nuzzled her face into his chest. A warmth spread through him as if her love was flowing into him and filling him. "I wanted you to say that to me, to look at me that way. When I thought you felt that for someone else I felt empty and alone and yet something told me not to give up hope. When I knew you were talking about me it was overwhelming."

Barbara sighed and used her hands on his chest to push him away so she could look at him. His arms were still around her waist holding her to him. "You have to want me for who I am Tommy, not just because I make you feel good."

Tommy ran the outside of his fingers of his right hand tenderly down her cheek. Barbara's breathing quickened and she closed her eyes and leant into his hand. "I love you Barbara. I've known it for years but I can admit it now, even to myself. I'd relied on you always being there but when I thought you loved someone else I was devastated. I knew then that I loved you and that no amount of rationalization about friendship was going to change that. To have you look at me that way doesn't make me love you, it makes me believe I can love myself again and that frees me to love you they way you deserve, the way I want to love you."

They stood staring at each other. The day was fading and the night closed in around them. Tommy turned his hand over and caressed her face. A tear ran down her cheek and collided with his finger. "I'm sorry," she said as more tears fell, "it must be the anaesthetic. This is not a game to me. I've waited years never thinking I'd hear you say that but I would rather never hear it again than it be a lie. I don't want some sort of affair Tommy where you get tired of me after a few weeks or a few months. This has implications at work, with your family; it changes everything we know. We have to be sure."

"I am sure. In the past I've been desperate to hold onto to people; to make it work, to make them want me. I don't have to live in fear with you. I know you will never leave me but I don't want to take that for granted. It sounds stupid but I know I can fight with you, we can argue and be annoyed but you will always be there for me just as I will be for you. You've always been there even when I've been self-obsessed and self-indulgent. You were right; I can be moody and arrogant and totally unreasonable but I have another side that is fiercely loyal. This is not some passing desire. It's not surging hormones Barbara. This is what love is supposed to be, selfless and enduring. I'm just sorry it took me so long to understand. Faults and all, I will continue to love you every day and I want the world to know."

Tommy bent down to kiss Barbara softly and lovingly but as soon as their lips met the kiss deepened. Long suppressed hunger for each other found a synchronous rhythm that left them panting and breathless. Tommy took her hand and led her to his bed. They kissed again, deeply but with less urgency. Tommy carefully maneuvered his body so that he did not bump her wound as he settled them gently onto his low bed.

Tommy's words ran repeatedly through her mind. _He really does love me!_ It was wonderous and exciting but seemed impossible. She could not really believe that when circumstances were normal that Tommy would not change his mind. She needed to make every second count before he came to his senses. She started to kiss him fiercely as she began to unbutton his pyjamas.

Their kisses thrilled him but Barbara's response seemed more lust than love and when she began to tug at his pyjamas he stopped kissing her and brought his hand up to cover hers. Tommy shook his head. "No! I thought I was clear the other night when I said I was long past mistaking sex for love or intimacy. There's plenty of time for that when you're better. Just let me love you Barbara."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. If you weren't unwell I would have a lot more difficulty resisting but I want to make love to you slowly, somewhere romantic and not in a passionate frenzy."

"Where?"

Tommy considered the options. There was a nice secluded place up on the cliffs at Cornwall. "Howenstowe perhaps."

Barbara wrinkled her nose. "Nah, too much family baggage in Cornwall. Here would be better. I like this apartment and it has good memories."

Tommy smiled. "Yes it does. Okay here then. I will dress in my tuxedo and you can wear something pretty, a long black dress perhaps."

"No, too poncy, although you do scrub up well in a tux. I think my pyjamas are more suitable and your tartan shorts." Her smile was infectious.

Tommy laughed and raised his eyebrows. "Hmm, I thought you liked them. I could make us dinner..."

"Something rich and not steamed, with a luscious chocolate dessert."

Tommy laughed and kissed her again as he snuggled her close. "I will inform chef of your desires madam."

"I think you had better inform chef that I have lots of desires," she said suggestively.

"So do I Barbara, so do I," he said as he kissed her again.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: <strong>And so the story ends. The next chapter is purely gratuitous to respond to a dare from Tess 45 who doubted too much and a one-eyed supporter who wanted a steamy ending.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note:** This chapter takes a little steamy turn which altered the story's rating but could only go in 'limited directions' given her medical condition. It is written mainly for Tess 45 and another one-eyed fan and is deliberately explicit. Please do not read if you are likely to be offended. It will not be to everyone's taste and contains some non-consensual elements.

* * *

><p>"Hmm, such as?" she asked as he began to trace kisses down her neck. She wondered what fantasies might lie behind those large, sexy eyes.<p>

"Perhaps I will make something gooey where I can lick the chocolate off your face where you have it smeared." Mischievously he traced around her lips with the tip of his tongue. Barbara shivered and Tommy kissed her properly.

"Ooh, I like that one," she said closing her eyes and enjoying the sensation as he kissed her face, "I thought you said we should stop."

Tommy continued to kiss her finding a sweet spot under her jaw that made her purr. His hands caressed her back in long, slow strokes from her neck down her spine and stopping in the small of her back. "In a while. I am enjoying imagining our date. Tell me what other things we are going to do."

"After dinner it would be warm where you had lit candles and placed them all round your lounge room. You would have a sheen of perspiration that made your skin glow and I would be sitting in your lap trying to make you cool by doing this."

Barbara began to undo his shirt again. This time Tommy did not stop her. Her touch was so light across his chest that all he could feel was the nerve endings coming alive forcing him to inhale sharply. It was a hazardous game they were playing because he did not want to stop but he knew he had to soon._ But not just yet!_ Tommy slid his hands under her top and continued his caresses. Her hands mirrored his strokes on his back and Tommy pulled her close. "Am I hurting you?" he whispered.

"No."

"And the soft touch of your fingers would make me pull you close and kiss you furiously."

The feel of his heart beating against her chest as they kissed was both comforting and arousing. She rubbed her chest against his so he knew how he had affected her. He paused momentarily then kissed her tenderly. Barbara sensed it was his prelude to pulling away. She was not ready for that. She wanted to prolong the pleasure of exploring each other's bodies. This was Tommy in her hands. It was Tommy who was finally kissing her with a skill and passion she had not imagined possible. He nibbled his way from her left ear to her right and down the line of her collarbone. Each kiss raised goosebumps. Although her gallbladder had brought them together she cursed it for also keeping them apart. She wriggled closer to see if she had affected him.

"And I would tell you how much that excited me," she whispered before she sucked his earlobe.

He groaned softly as she moved against him. He had tried hard to ignore his rather natural but particularly strong reaction. He kissed her again. It was long and slow, exploring her reactions and enjoying feeling her close. He was careful not to move in case he hurt her but she was moving quite freely against him. It was erotic and dangerous. "We would lie back on the lounge and explore each other," he breathed.

"Then I'd suggest we move in here," she replied as she rolled onto her back. The hand that had been rubbing her back was pulled around and now rested temptingly on her breast.

Tommy wanted to move it away but his fingers had a mind of their own and started to play. "I'd carry you in my arms, kissing you very softly."

He watched her carefully. Barbara smiled and nodded. The sleeve of his pyjamas slipped off his shoulder and tangled. He knelt up and shrugged it off and flung it unceremoniously towards the window. It was only then that he realised the curtains were open. A moonbeam from a near full moon peaked out from behind a cloud and fell across the bed lighting up Barbara's face. She was watching him intensely with deep longing and that committed love he had wanted so much to see. "I love you so much Barbara. This is killing me. We should stop," he groaned.

Barbara's answer was to start removing her shirt. "We'd start to slowly remove each other's clothes."

As she lifted it over the dressing Tommy was acutely reminded that he needed to behave. Despite this his hands helped her out of the top and the moonlight fell onto two glorious peaks that tightened harder as he began to caress her. His lips ached to kiss every inch of her and he carefully bent down and started to kiss her face. He traced a path across her forehead, eyes, nose, ears, and down her neck. Barbara cooed her pleasure and dug her nails into his back when he found an erogenous spot. Tommy took a note for later. He slowly moved down and ran his tongue in decreasing circles around her breast until he reached his target. His lips closed around it and sucked slowly. Barbara groaned and wriggled when he flicked it repeatedly and nipped gently with his teeth.

Barbara was not entirely inexperienced but no one had ever made love to her before. This was so different to a few drunken fumbles from over excited young men only interested in their own pleasure. Tommy was worshipping her and she was responding. She had imagined being shy and ashamed; nervous and inhibited but instead she was free and open. She wanted to explore every sensation with him and hear him cry out in satisfaction. She wanted to run her hands and her lips across his body and watch as he smiled ecstatically. She wanted to smell the murkiness of his skin as it flushed with desire and taste the salty sweat that would pool on his chest. She wanted all of him to be hers alone; mind, body and soul.

"And then I would do this," she said as she grabbed the elastic of his pyjamas and pulled.

Tommy gasped when her hand encircled him. He tried to kneel up and break free but she gripped him hard and began to slowly slide her hand up and down his full length. The warmth radiated through him. He was torn between his carnal pleasure and his need to make love to Barbara. He was not used to or expecting a reversal of roles. "Oh stop it, please," he groaned, "that feels too good when we can't take it further."

Barbara had limited options but she wanted to make love to Tommy. She wanted him to know that his pleasure was her pleasure. She also felt powerful. She could determine how this progressed and she wanted to watch Tommy's face as he responded to her touch. She could feel his blood pumping when she squeezed and released pressure as she continued to stroke him. Tommy pulled away and fell onto his back with his feet dangling over the end of the bed. "Thank you but no, not until we can both be satisfied."

Barbara knelt up and shifted on the bed. "I love you Tommy."

"Oh Barbara, I love you too," he said as watched her flushed skin shine in the moonlight. He closed his eyes contentedly but they flew open when her tongue replaced her hand. He would stop her but he lent up in his elbows to watch, just for a moment or two, as she ran her tongue from the base of his shaft to the tip. He had not really thought about it but he had never imagined Barbara would be so adventurous in bed. She was doing this for him but he could tell she was enjoying it too. His guilt was eased slightly. Helen and Deborah had never entertained the idea. Making love to them had been much harder work and yet he knew they had much more experience than Barbara. He reached out and gently stroked her head. "Thank you. It's wonderful but you should stop."

"I don't want to stop," she said firmly, "I want to take you somewhere magical."

Barbara was kneeling on the floor making sure she was protecting her wound. This was new ground for her and she had no real idea of what she was doing other than what she had gleaned from a few cheap novels. She was thinking of it as an ice cream cone and placed her hand back around the base to hold him steady while she used long broad, twisting licks to tease and excite him. Some ice creams were so cold they burned but Tommy burned with a fire that created heat deep within her.

"Oh God!"

Barbara smiled at his cry then ran her tongue around and around exploring the smooth curves while her hand pulled the skin up and down over his ridges. She enveloped him in her mouth. Tommy sank back onto the bed and groaned deeply as she slowly moved. She knew from the way his tip pulsed and the slight increase in girth that he was enjoying it despite his protests which had now faded to accepting grunts. His reaction excited her. To know she was causing this reaction excited her more. She was wet and swollen and she ached to have him touch her. If she were able she would have let this turn differently, she would be enjoying feeling him moving deeply inside her. Her wound prevented that but made this all the sweeter.

Tommy was torn between his belief that he should be making love to her and the magnificence of what she was doing to him. He had imagined that he would be the one to give her pleasure; drive her wild and let her lose control. He wanted that. He wanted to be the one who did that for her and then have them work together to explode in some mutual orgasmic wonderland. He wanted to show her he loved her.

When she took him into her mouth the warmth and the wetness alone was not enough but knowing it was Barbara, his no nonsense partner, who was using her take no prisoners approach in such an erotic way nearly tipped him over the edge. He tingled from head to toe. He was close, ever so close to losing control when she stopped. As she moved her mouth away he groaned, not with pleasure but at the loss. He looked up; she was smiling at him with her green eyes shining and a look of total adoration on her face.

"Let me love you Tommy."

His words from earlier had been reflected back with new meaning but he understood. Barbara wanted to show him she loved him just as he had wanted to show her. She was gifting something to him that went far beyond pleasure.

"Yes, oh God yes Barbara."

He continued to watch as Barbara lowered her head. He expected her to resume her ministrations but instead she rolled his left testicle around with her tongue. Tommy groaned as it tightened. He was not sure he could take any more. "Please Barbara!"

She used her hand to replace her tongue and gently massaged him. He squeaked in a high pitched voice well outside his normal baritone. She watched him twitching and doubted she could prolong this any more. She closed her mouth over him and with agonizingly slow movements took him deeper and deeper into her.

Tommy surrendered to her physically and spiritually. It was sex but it was so much more. For the first time ever Tommy felt worshipped and truly loved. He tried as long as he could to watch her but then sank back and let the ripples of pleasure become waves and finally torrents. He heard himself crying out and he heard her answering groans. Every cell in his body felt alive and focused on just one thing - his love for this incredible woman.

Barbara had not known that it was possible to climax without any physical contact. It was, and it was wonderful. It was not the same intense physical cramping but a far softer tightening that only slightly pulled at her wound. It was unexpected but as she felt the intensity of Tommy fill her throat, the intensity of his love filled her heart and sent those glorious sensations through her.

Tommy lay back panting and repeating how much he loved her as Barbara licked away the last evidence of the moment. Tommy shuffled up the bed onto his pillow and wordless extended his hand. Barbara climbed up beside him and nestled into his arms. They lay together silently as they recovered their breath.

"Thank you," he said after a few minutes, "I have never had anything like that before. Never. Nothing close."

"My pleasure."

"You freed me Barbara. I just wish I could do the same for you." He snuggled closer making sure he did not touch her wound.

"You did." Tommy's eyes went wide when she explained. He kissed her lovingly then whispered something in her ear. Barbara smiled. "We could try." Tommy shuffled down the bed taking her pyjamas with him as she rolled onto her back. It was going to be a long and memorable night.


End file.
